Can I pull you for a chat on consent? Why we need to talk about Love Island
Reality TV is often discussed as a form of escapism, or a mindless retreat from the real world – when actually, it functions as more of a microcosm of our social world. We can see that plainly playing out on the current season of Love Island UK, where 2 separate instances (so far) unfolded onscreen, where consent was lacking.
Consent is ultimately simple – it is a clear, enthusiastic, and voluntary yes to any activity that may be happening. To use the acronym from Raise Your Voice when thinking about consent, remember FRIES; freely given, reversable, informed, enthusiastic, specific. Consent can be either verbal or non-verbal, think asking “can I kiss you” or looking for clear body language that they are interested before moving forward.
What we have seen repeatedly this season on Love Island is situations where men have created a highly pressurized situation and bowled forward without consent. In each scenario, the pressure has been created by taking the women up to the terrace, where there is a connotation that this is a place where people go to kiss, and used the idea that since the women have gone to speak with them there, as an almost assumption of consent.
In one incident involving Aiden and Yasmin, when they arrived at the terrace, Aiden put himself in Yasmin’s personal space to a degree that clearly made her uncomfortable. He asked her for a kiss, and she deflected saying she had coffee breath and then adjusted her seated position to put space between them. Aiden then reached across the divide and grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her towards him and kissed her quite aggressively. When it was over she looked uncomfortable and said, “that wasn’t the best kiss”.
The most recent incident, between Tommy and Namibia was even worse. Again, Tommy took Namibia up to the terrace to speak. Shortly after they started talking, Tommy began trying to joke around about the idea of them kissing, saying that kissing isn’t a big deal. Namibia disagreed saying it was a big deal and that no, they wouldn’t be kissing. He then took her by the hand and pulled her towards him to kiss her. She then made a look, rolling her eyes with an edge of ‘ugh I guess so’.
In both cases, consent was not freely given due to the pressure of the environment from the men (and production). Consent was not enthusiastic, in both cases the women said no to the initial ask for a kiss and were then physically tugged into one, with the idea that because the women acquiesced and didn’t raise a fuss afterwards, that it meant that was ok.
There is a concerning pattern that seems to be emerging among the male islanders of a disregard for the word no, thinking instead it means ‘convince me’. Aiden, when speaking about a situation with Ellie, said that he thought when she said she wasn’t interested, that meant she wanted him to chase her. That seems to be a common theme. This behavior is deeply concerning and needs to be called out to avoid further normalization, and ITV need to do more to protect their contestants, especially in the wake of the severe allegations from Married at First Sight participants. ITV say that they have extensive duty of care protocols, but from a former Love Island participant’s piece in the Guardian, it is clear that “welfare in reality TV is often reactive, not preventive” and relies on disclosures from participants, so if the women aren’t raising the issue, then there is no issue. This simply isn’t good enough.
By Mary O’Neill